ACTIVITY QUICKJUMP LINKS:
KIMOCHIS® FEELINGS FACT:
Feelings are more than just words.
This section of the guide focuses on two central tenets about feelings:
- Feelings are physical. They have size and weight. Feelings take up space inside us, affect how we look, act, react, and impact the world we interact with and inhabit. Our bodies often show and can help us know what we are feeling. The more attention we give to what we feel in our bodies, the more we can learn about how we are feeling emotionally. We might have a stomachache before a test, want to kick someone when we’re mad, or clench our hands when we’re scared.
- Feelings fuel behavior. Being aware of what we feel is important because our emotions often determine how we act. Sometimes people aren’t even aware of the feelings that are driving their actions. And sometimes people know what they are feeling, but they’re not aware of how that emotion is coming across in their facial expression, word choice, tone of voice, and body language.
It is crucial to distinguish between the feeling being felt and the behavioral way it gets expressed. In other words, the upset feeling itself isn’t the problem, but how it’s communicated can be problematic. Kids get in trouble for acting out when they feel mad. Consequently, they often come to believe that feeling mad is wrong. Kimochis® instead wants to teach kids: It’s okay to be mad, but it’s not okay to be mean.
Therapeutic Objective:
Establish the connection between mind and body. Learn that feelings are physical.
Note: As you proceed through these activities, apply your observations about the child to help them build the mind-body connection. Comment on what the child is showing you about the feelings they are having while doing the activities. For example, “You really seem to be enjoying this activity! I can tell because your eyes are wide open and your legs started to bounce.” Or, “You are telling me with your words that you’re feeling mad, but I’m wondering if you’re also feeling sad, because you are sitting hunched over, your mouth is turned downward, your voice is quiet, and you are speaking slowly.” Observe the child’s reaction but do not challenge it if they disagree with you.
The Activities
WHERE FEELINGS ARE FELT. Take turns with the child picking Kimochis® feeling pillows out of your bowl or basket. Hold each pillow against the place(s) on your body where you might feel that feeling. Demonstrate what your body looks like when having that feeling. This can be a nonverbal activity, or you can both describe where feelings are felt and what you see when the other person shows you what the feeling looks like.
If the child needs help understanding how feelings are physical sensations, prompt them with questions like, “I wonder if kicking over your friend’s building-block tower was your legs’ way of letting you know that you were mad?” “When you scrunch up your eyes and put your hands in front of your face, is that one way your body is saying you’re scared?” “What does your body want to do when you feel excited … nervous … surprised?” To add a little distance or objectivity, these questions can be asked about other people or even fictional characters: “How does your mommy’s body show when she’s feeling loved?”
You can build on this exercise by getting a roll of craft paper and rolling it out just past the length of the child’s body. Either draw an outline or trace the child’s body on the paper. You can write in the feeling words where they identified them earlier, or you can keep the drawing blank and use the pillows instead to respond to prompts to strengthen the mind-body connection.
With all of the feeling pillows within reach, ask the child to answer how they feel in the following scenarios and then place the chosen feeling pillow on the drawing of their body where they sense that feeling. How do they feel when they:
- Take a test
- Get into bed for the night
- Play with their best friend
- Hear their parents argue
- Make a mistake
Tip: Label the drawing with the child’s name and keep it rolled up in your office for future sessions when you want to talk about where and how emotions are physically felt.
FEELINGS LEAD TO ACTIONS. Sprinkle the Kimochis® feeling pillows all around the room. Take turns picking up the pillows, saying and showing different ways people might express this feeling. For example, for surprised, a person might say, “Oh my goodness! I never expected that!” or they might open their mouth wide and jump up and down. For mad, a person might stomp their feet, cover their face in a scowl, or put their fists up. Together, decide if you think these actions are helpful or hurtful for each feeling. To keep this activity nonverbal, you can supply the words and behaviors and let the child give a thumbs-up if they think the action is helpful or a thumbs-down if they think the action is not helpful. Explain that this activity shows how feelings can fuel our behavior.
SIZE MATTERS. Feelings come in different sizes, and sizes can change over time. Apart from just having children explain how big a feeling is by using their body to show it, these next three activities (on size, shape, and weight) add volume, texture, and dimension to what is felt.
Begin by having the child pick a feeling they have had recently. This can be a feeling they like to have or a hard-to-have feeling. Now get a balloon and tell the child that you are going to blow it up until they say “Stop!” to indicate how big the feeling feels/felt. Afterward, add more air and let some out to show how the size of a feeling can inflate and deflate, can expand and shrink.
Another way to represent the size of an emotion is to use ribbon to show how long the child’s feeling is, how far it reaches. Have the child pick a specific situation they’re dealing with. Then have them identify the feelings they have about this situation and roll out the ribbon to show how large or long each of those feelings is to them. Cut the ribbons where the child indicates, write the name of each feeling sideways on the corresponding ribbon, then tape the ribbons to a piece of paper so they dangle downward. Label the paper with the situation name (like Bad Grade at School or Being Grounded or Argument with Best Friend). As the child develops tools and creates habits for dealing with this situation, return to the paper and snip some length off each ribbon as the feeling it represents becomes more manageable.
THE SHAPE OF THINGS. For this exercise, gather any useful and applicable craft supplies you can, like paper and colored pencils/crayons/markers, pipe cleaners, Play-Doh, or clay. Have the child pick a feeling and then have them think about what shape that feeling might have. Is it smooth or rough? Sharp or rounded? Tall and skinny or short and squat? Have them draw, mold, or create the shape of the feeling. Express interest and curiosity about what they’ve created and the colors they’ve chosen as they explain the shape to you. Repeat this exercise with other feelings.
THE WEIGHT OF IT. It’s common to talk about feelings “weighing” on us, usually hard-to-have feelings. Ask the child to pick out some of their hard-to-have feelings and consider how much each of those feelings weighs. Let the child roam your office or therapy space to find items that demonstrate the weight of their feelings—a paperweight, books, a toy, your desk. If nothing in the immediate environment seems to fit the feeling at hand, ask the child to imagine what would equal the weight of the feeling—a large dog, a car, a mountain. Alternatively, use a small scale, letting the child place on it something that represents the weight of what they are feeling. Compare the weights of their different hard-to-have feelings.
Conversely, there are some nice-to-have feelings that seem hard to hold on to. These feelings seem almost weightless and just float away. Repeat the process above with a few feelings the child enjoys having. By making these feelings visible and concrete, you’ll help kids learn that they can hold on to them.
To expand this exercise, use some kind of see-through container that has a lid (you can bring one in yourself or ask the child to bring one in). Have the child make and attach a label for the container that reads: Feelings I Like Feeling. On cardstock rectangles, have the child write down feelings they enjoy feeling and, on the back, examples of when they’ve felt that way. For example, for proud, they might write, After finishing my presentation to the class and When I complete my chores at home. For hopeful, they might write, I felt hopeful when my mom got a good report from her doctor. Younger children may also want to draw a picture of what they are feeling.
Put the cards in the container and let the child take the container home with them, supplying extra cards so they can add more feelings they want to hold on to. Decide with them where they should keep the container so that it will be seen and remembered often. When a child is experiencing hard-to-have feelings, they can go to their container and “see” times when they’ve felt better, assuring themselves that they will feel better again.
Another way to make enjoyable feelings more weighty is to again write them down on a small piece of paper, but then “anchor” each feeling to something significant—like a stone or wooden block—using tape, glue, or Velcro. Or they can even write the feeling directly on flat rocks or blocks with a marker. These, too, can be added to the Feelings I Like Feeling container or placed somewhere in their room where they can readily see them for comforting reminders.
WHERE DO YOU STAND? Another way of exploring how our emotions affect us is to show how close to or distant from a feeling we want to be. Ask the child to pick one feeling they enjoy feeling and one they don’t enjoy. Put both feeling pillows on the floor. Starting with one of the feelings, ask the child to recall a time they felt that feeling. Ask them to try to re-create that feeling inside them now.
Next, tell the child to stand as near to or as far from the pillow as they want in response to the prompt: “How much do you enjoy having this feeling?” Repeat with the other pillow. Practice this with multiple feelings, asking the child to be aware of how each feeling affects them physically. Ask them to show you with their body and face how that feeling makes them feel. Ask what having that feeling makes them want to do (for instance, run away, dance, freeze, curl up, yell).
WHAT FEELINGS DO YOU KNOW NOW? As the child’s feelings vocabulary grows by working through these sections and doing the activities, take the time to refer back to the feelings poster they created in Group 1 and add new feelings to it. Have them pick the top three feelings they’ve had this week. You can ask the child to touch or say where that feeling was felt in their body. Ask if there is a thought that goes with that feeling and what having that thought and feeling made them do or made them want to do.
SHOW OFF. Explain to the child that we can create more of the positive feelings we want to have by using our bodies. For example, when we smile, we send our body positive signals that can help fuel positive feelings like happy and hopeful. Likewise, when we have upset feelings, we can use our body to move through these feeling toward more contentment. When things don’t go our way, for instance, we can shrug our shoulders and remind ourselves, You win some, you lose some. Things might work out better next time.
Have the child pick out a feeling that makes them feel upset. You or the child can then demonstrate how having this feeling looks on the body. Ask, “What can you do with your body to make the feeling smaller?” Give examples if needed: shrug your shoulders, snap your fingers, shake it off, stomp, push against a wall with your arms, legs, or whole body. Practice having different upset feelings and trying different ways to help those feelings feel smaller inside. What works for the child? What doesn’t?
Now have the child pick out a feeling they want to have more of, like hopeful, grateful, or friendly. Together, consider how the body can contribute to feeling more of that feeling. For example, take a big, deep breath, clasp your hands together, give yourself a hug, give yourself a pat on the back, smile.
Ask the child to practice using some of these tools at home and to report back next week on what they tried and how it worked or didn’t. Keep practicing until the child finds what works for them.